A Letter to My Sister

You start college in a few weeks, and I have a lot of feelings about it. Many of them are gastrointestinal, which probably has more to do with coffee than you. However, both you and coffee fall under the umbrella of Things I Associate With Poop. Everything is connected.


I think this is the part where I’m supposed to offer advice and wisdom and butterfly kisses. Because who better to give those things than someone who often prioritizes getting a McDonald’s smoothie over taking a shower?

There are some obvious tips and tricks, like actually show up to class every once in a while and don’t drunkenly pee on your roommate’s belongings.

So, let’s just skip those common sense things, and get right into it. Just dig our paws in, and go for it. Balls to the wall, grab it by the horns, both hands on the steering wheel and feet on the dashboard, no shoes, terrible foot odor, but we don’t care because, like, free to be you and me, you know? What are we talking about again?

Try things. Or don’t try things. Just do what’s right for you and is going to make you happiest.

When opportunity comes knocking, you can answer like, “Hey, Opportunity. Cool sweater. Where are we going today?”

But sometimes Opportunity is giving you a weird vibe and looks nothing like its profile picture. Or Opportunity is scary and feels kind of serial killer-y. I’m just saying, you don’t have to go with Opportunity to a glow stick rave if you don’t want to.

Also, remember that you can make your own Opportunity. Not in a eugenics-y way though.

And sometimes, Opportunity looks more like Inconvenience or Ordinary, and you just haven’t seen it with its glasses off and ponytail down. Don’t be afraid to take Opportunity to the drive-in, or ask Opportunity to prom.
To paraphrase the popular aphorism: Seize the day, and then, maybe you can do some over-the-shirt, hand stuff with Opportunity.

Remember that you don’t have to have everything figured out right away.

Take for instance one of my former bosses: He seemed super put-together, ran two separate businesses, had a strong clientele.
But there was also that one time when I saw a condom sitting on one of his shelves in his office. Still in the wrapper and everything. So, it was only like 98% horrifying.

My point is, you can be a 40-something business owner, have little sense of appropriate work-place behavior, and still be doing okay. But have that be the low, low bar for success.

Or maybe just ignore this whole section.

College alone does not dictate the rest of your life.

You are going to do a lot of new, cool, exciting, beautiful, inspiring, scary-in-a-good-way things. Some of them will happen in college. Some of them will happen because of college. And some are going to just happen.

College is a beginning. It is not the beginning. Or, rather, the only beginning.

As long as the person you are and the things you do are built on a foundation that is good and happy and solid, who you become and where you go will be good and happy and solid, too.

Kind of like a tree.

A tree with boobs.

Originally posted here.

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