I bought some craft supplies from Michael’s and decided to pretend I know how to paint. What follows is a collection I’m tentatively calling “I Spent $35 at Michael’s and All I Got Was Confirmation of the Fact that I Don’t Know How to Properly Paint.” I would probably say I’m in my brown period if that’s the one where you can’t remember what colors mix together to make brown. Let’s review the final pieces together.
This motivational quote will be hung on the wall opposite my toilet. I anticipate it will bring much inspiration to myself and others during dire times. If I had a say, every stall door of every public bathroom in America…nay, THE WORLD would be adorned with affirmations and words of wisdom like this.
Title: Shining Even Where The Sun Don’t Shine
Medium: Acrylic paint and Sharpie and probably streaks of erased pencil lines because I don’t know what I’m doing
Price: A little piece of your dignity every time you need reaffirmation from a painting while you’re sitting on the toilet
What started as just a sprinkle donut quickly became the most influential work of art in the 21st century. Is it a conversation with a donut meant to read “Yes, Donut, we can”? Is the donut meant to serve as a pun? What is the donut a symbol for? Did the artist just not know whether to spell it ‘donut’ or ‘doughnut’ and decided to draw it instead?
Surprise! It’s none of those things. It’s just “Yes we can” with a donut in the middle and that’s it. There’s no other meaning. ART IS DEAD.
Title: Donuts (Doughnuts??) and Dreams
Medium: Acrylic paint and Obama’s campaign slogan
Price: Any hopes of me running for political office or $11.99 for a baker’s dozen
This is one of my more subtle pieces. I’d rather not spoil your experience by telling you what I had in mind for this one as part of art is deriving your own meaning from a piece.
Title: Opus #3
Medium: Acrylic paint, glitter paint, a thousand giggles
Price: My parents’ approval
I’m having a gallery showing in my apartment right now with myself and my leftover Thai food.
You can come, but you have to bring your own Thai food.