“10 Cats in People Costumes That Will Confuse You Sexually” & Other Blog Post Titles I Wrote Instead of Writing an Actual Blog Post

Think of this post as a Choose Your Own Adventure that ends after you make your choice. A plane ticket you buy and the destination is just the front of the ticket line. It will take you nowhere. Like a one-way street or an English degree. You’re here. You made it. Congrats class of miamercado.com.

  • It’s Okay To Break Up With The Demon That’s Possessing You Even Though It’s Halloween
  • How To Tell If You’re Dating A Vampire Or An Empty Case Of Hocus Pocus On Blu Ray (Not As Easy As You May Think!)
  • Feminist Halloween Costumes That Also Make Your Boobs Look Good
  • A Review Of Ghostbusters By Someone Who Just Watched It For The First Time! Side Note: I’ve Been Lost In A Corn Maze Since 1983
  • How to Talk to Your Trick-or-Treaters About Gun Control
  • DIY Halloween Costumes that Only Require a Few Household Items and a Complete Lack of Self-Respect
  • October’s Almost Over and I Haven’t Had A Pumpkin Spiced Latte Yet So Where’s My Goddamn Courage Award?
  • Scary Stories About How Infrequently I Wash My Hair
  • 12 Halloween Costume Ideas to Keep Open In a Separate Tab While You Shop for a Sexy Minion Outfit
  • A List of Fun-Sized Treats to Pair With Songs From The Musical Hamilton as an Excuse to Prove I’m Hip and Cultured and Know What’s Up In The Broadway World
  • How to Decorate Your Apartment for Halloween By Doing Nothing and Letting the Spiders Take Over
  • Non Technology-Based Ways To Keep Your Civil War-Era Ghost Children Entertained While You Run Errands
  • Silly Halloween Pranks to Play On Your Friends Using Actual Cadavers
  • I Saw Halloween Way Too Young and That’s Why I’m Triggered By Those Jamie Lee Curtis Activia Commercials
  • Trying Halloween Candy From Countries Where They Don’t Celebrate Halloween but Do Put Blood in Food for Some Reason
  • I’m The Foster Mother to 18 Baby Pumpkins: Ask Me Anything
  • How to Tell If Your Ghoul Cheated On You
  • A Brief Guide to Gourds (NSFW)
  • Homemade Traps to Catch Witches When They Least Expect It
  • QUIZ: How Many of These Indian Burial Sites Have You Built Mini-Malls On?


  1. How to Decorate Your Apartment for Halloween By Doing Nothing and “Letting the Spiders Take Over”

    Ah, so you’ve been to Portland, Oregon.

    “Silly Halloween Pranks to Play On Your Friends Using Actual Cadavers”

    This one’s easy. Make the “cadavers” empty pizza boxes, candy wrappers, and beer bottles to make it look like you threw a party without telling them. Toss various underwear around the room to guarantee they’ll ask.

    “A Brief Guide to Gourds (NSFW)”

    Alternative title: “Or What I Saw in the Gym Locker Room”

    “How to Make Your Own Butterfinger Bars”

    This one’s real, as in real dangerous to your diet: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/228403/easy-butter-fingers-candy/

    Liked by 1 person

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