That One Uncle
We’ve all got that one uncle. Maybe he’s your mom’s brother. Maybe he’s your dad’s brother. Maybe he married into the family. Maybe it’s one of those situations where he’s not part of your family in the conventional sense, but you call him “uncle” anyway. We’ve all got one, and he’ll definitely be there! Unless you don’t, in which case he won’t be there, and why did you even read this one when you saw the word “uncle” in the title. You could have just moved on, but instead you’re making this weird for everyone. That’s totally something that one uncle would do. So, I guess if you don’t know who “that one uncle” is, well then, maybe it’s you. You’re the uncle. Now everyone’s included, and this is all still very relatable.
Yourself in the Mirror
Always good to see a familiar face! Who doesn’t love catching up with themselves in the mirror while hiding in the bathroom at Aunt Kathy’s because like hell you’re going to explain to the family why your mailing address is the grocery store c/o The Deli Meats. Home is where the heart is, and your heart is full to the brim with fresh cold cuts.
Your Middle School Crush
Nostalgia alert! We all know the feeling of arriving in your hometown, strolling into your parents’ house, and unexpectedly bumping into that childhood stuffed animal you used to hump repeatedly while you were figuring some things out. What if there are still sparks? What if it doesn’t remember you? What if you try to reconnect and realize you don’t have anything in common anymore? So many unknowns at play. But who knows! Maybe you’ll rekindle what once was when it’s Day 4 of sleeping in your old twin bed, and you’re finally alone for one GD second.
The Today Show is the only news-ish program everyone can watch without someone losing their damn mind. Release all fear and tension, and succumb to the power of the Lauer.
The Physical Manifestation of Your Inner-Most Demons
Something about this time of year really brings out the most in everyone. So, this holiday season, you can definitely expect to see everyone’s personal demons exorcised, demanding the attention and power they crave all year. Let us all gather ’round the fire and stand hand in hand with the black, sludge-y depths of our souls. What a lovely season to share with friends and family the garbage people we all truly are.