Movie Pitches With Strong Female Leads…But Not, Like, Too Strong

If Looks Could Kill
This action-packed flick features a strong, ass-kicking female lead who only gets sold into sex slavery twice. Rated PG

Girls’ Night Out
A female-driven comedy starring Kate Upton, Gisele Bundchen, the women from the Blurred Lines music video, an extra who keeps showing up in a Betty Boop costume, and ugh okay fine Melissa McCarthy or something.

Magic Michelle
Hollywood heard you loud and clear, ladies. This all-female version of Magic Mike is the equalizing reboot you’ve been waiting for. Stripping: it’s not just for guys anymore.

Daisy Saves the Day
An animated film about a dolphin named Daisy who gets the humans to clean up an oil spill that’s destroying her home. She communicates with them through the universal language: female hypersexualization. Why does an animated dolphin have an hourglass figure? To save the earth, of course!

The Battle
A young mother (played by Jennifer Lawrence) fights for custody over her child with her former lover and current boss (played by a crusty pair of Doc Martens).

Too Hot
This indie film about a researcher and her team’s efforts to combat global warming will only have audience turnout because the poster prominently features Vin Diesel with a flamethrower penis and silhouettes of ladies licking guns. It is the content we all deserve.