A Holiday Newsletter From America

Greetings from our little 3.8 million square mile corner of the world!

Can you believe we’ve made it through another year? We sure can’t! We’re so excited to share with you, our friends and family in the countries we haven’t isolated entirely, what we’ve been up to these past 12 months. After all, social media can only tell you so much!

We truly saw our girls grow up before our eyes this year. They started 2017 by taking their first steps and even did a little march! (Yes! They’re marching now! They certainly don’t get that athleticism from me, ha ha!) Our girls also made a few successful public accusations this year. I can’t believe they’re starting to speak out already! It seems like just yesterday they were still babbling nonsense about “workplace discrimination icky” and “no no sexual assault.” Now, they’re able to string together full statements about powerful, predatory men. And we’re actually starting to understand them! A few of their new favorite words and phrases include “deep-seated misogyny,” “rape culture,” and “We’ve literally been saying this for millennia.” So cute!

As you may have heard, it was not an easy year for our boys. However, the holiday season is not a time to dwell on the negative. Our boys have also given us so much to be grateful for this year, like RompHims and another Transformers movie! In case you hadn’t heard, a few of our grown-up boys recently moved to a new state of being. They’ve found a home just past the point of acknowledging sexual harassment exists and but not quite to where we all agree we’ve had enough of Woody Allen. As our sweet, brave boys are still settling into their new place, a few of our girls, who have been living there for a while, are helping them navigate this new space. Although our good, good boys are not living too far from where they were before, it still feels like a significant move to me.

We’ve also welcomed more than a few new members to our household this year. In addition to becoming a blended family with Russia, 2017 has brought us so many precious bundles: ‘Bodak Yellow,’ a solar eclipse, the word “covfefe,” Unicorn Frappuccinos, a giraffe birth live stream, learning how to say Saoirse Ronan, and not one but TWO new babies from Beyoncé.

As for me, I turned the big 241 this year, but I still feel like I’m in the early ‘30s with this sudden resurgence of Nazis! Work has been filled with many new challenges and adventures. As some of you know, we’ve come under new management. I’ll admit, an early retirement sounds pretty good right about now! I can definitely picture myself, one day in the quickly approaching future, swimming in the water where California used to be or sunbathing on a hot, ocean shore in Oklahoma. But I’ve still got a good 25 years left in me, 30 if I’m lucky!

2017 certainly had its ups and downs, but some things remained steady and true, like good friends, loving family, and the inability to pass common-sense gun control policies. We can’t wait to see what 2018 brings! Fingers crossed it’s another Transformers movie and not nuclear war!

Merry Christmas and с новым годом!
America

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