A roast featuring my own childhood Halloween costumes for comedy and to be current and not at all because I want you to look at how goddamn precious I was between the ages of 2 and 8.
I wrote a list for you. ARE YOU HAPPY? WILL YOU LOVE ME NOW?!
Let’s all measure the passage of time in terms of me and my life and my interests and me!!!!!!!
My birthday is today, so let’s talk about me for a goddamn second, okay?
It’s hot and murderous outside. Here are ways to keep cool with things you probably already have in your home.
Look at this Bald Eagle and tell me you don’t want to shed a goddamn tear while making out with the American flag.
Here are some of my favorite things from this month. Time is a human construct!
Tired of the general shit-smell of your garbage-person self? So is everyone around you! But have no fear — the secret to ridding yourself of the offensiveness you radiate is simple.
Move over Uncle Haunches, there’s a new body ideal in town! It’s called Dad Bod and it’s taking over the internet.