I Regret To Inform You That I, A Cute Puppy Gif, Cannot Get You Through Your Day

While it is an honor to even be considered for a spot among the 10 Puppy Gifs That Will Get You Through Your Day, I must decline the offer.

Peeing with the Door Open

I frequently have dreams in which I am completely naked, sitting on a public toilet, in a stall with no doors. In the dream, there is always the imminent threat of people walking in and seeing me. And after waking, there is always a residual nervous-embarrassment that lingers into the morning. My most persistent fearsContinue reading “Peeing with the Door Open”

Schlitting Myself and Being Spontaneous

I am not a spontaneous person. I know because I just double checked against this Wikihow guide on how to become a spontaneous teenager. While I myself am not a teenager, I figured who knows spontaneity better than the teens. Guys, being a spontaneous teen is so simple. All you need to do is go fork a yard, hitContinue reading “Schlitting Myself and Being Spontaneous”

A Letter to My Sister

You start college in a few weeks, and I have a lot of feelings about it. Many of them are gastrointestinal, which probably has more to do with coffee than you. However, both you and coffee fall under the umbrella of Things I Associate With Poop. Everything is connected. Anyway. I think this is theContinue reading “A Letter to My Sister”