Look At My Goddamn Dog

This is officially a dog mom blog now, so I hope you’re happy.

My 2015 Year in Review

We’re only a few days into the new year, but that doesn’t mean this little noggin has been doing nothing but sleeping and eating and beating many levels of Candy Crush. No way, no sir, not me. I’ve been seizing each moment Walden-style, sucking out the marrow of life, retreating to the woods, abandoning all responsibilities, fallingContinue reading “My 2015 Year in Review”

Peeing with the Door Open

I frequently have dreams in which I am completely naked, sitting on a public toilet, in a stall with no doors. In the dream, there is always the imminent threat of people walking in and seeing me. And after waking, there is always a residual nervous-embarrassment that lingers into the morning. My most persistent fearsContinue reading “Peeing with the Door Open”

Schlitting Myself and Being Spontaneous

I am not a spontaneous person. I know because I just double checked against this Wikihow guide on how to become a spontaneous teenager. While I myself am not a teenager, I figured who knows spontaneity better than the teens. Guys, being a spontaneous teen is so simple. All you need to do is go fork a yard, hitContinue reading “Schlitting Myself and Being Spontaneous”

A Life Update

Attention World: I have been doing significant life things. And as every sage adult knows, the final and most important step in doing all significant life things is getting validation from the internet. We live in a beautiful world where your personally important accomplishments can live with equal importance as the accomplishments of your neighbor. If itContinue reading “A Life Update”