How To Still Get Horny While Modern Civilization is Crumbling Around You

It’s Valentine’s Day, and there’s one thing on everyone’s mind: How am I supposed to get horny at a time like this?

This Is My Baby Right Now

Everybody, calm down – I’m going to talk about birth control. PAMPHLETS. BIRTH CONTROL PAMPHLETS. OKAY SHHH CALM DOWN. Specifically, the birth control pamphlets I recently got from my gynecologist. Okay, too much information SORRY OKAY VAGINAS WHAT SORRY SORRY OKAY WHY ARE WE YELLING. Here’s the first pamphlet which is telling me to break upContinue reading “This Is My Baby Right Now”

Going on Dates with Murderers

I think I somehow missed the part in my young adult life when I was supposed to be reckless and excusably stupid. I didn’t graduate college with stories about waking up in bathtubs or fondling strangers in foreign countries. I’m guessing those are stories that people have. I wouldn’t know. I prefer showers and IContinue reading “Going on Dates with Murderers”