It’s Valentine’s Day, and there’s one thing on everyone’s mind: How am I supposed to get horny at a time like this?
Welcome to the inaugural post of Just The Tipsy, a series in which I get a little drunk and give advice on things.
A quick and helpful guide on when to ask someone about their race.
My birthday is today, so let’s talk about me for a goddamn second, okay?
Tired of the general shit-smell of your garbage-person self? So is everyone around you! But have no fear — the secret to ridding yourself of the offensiveness you radiate is simple.
You’re doing it all wrong, and I want to help you. I come bearing many tips and stock imagery.
Shakespeare. King. Hemingway. Twain. Dickens. Rowling. Read. These are the first seven names that came up when I Googled “most popular writers” just now. Are they popular? Are they writers? Who can really know. The point is they came up in the top of the Google search, and I included them in list-form at theContinue reading “A Collective List of Every Clickbait Headline Ever So Everyone Can Just Stop Now (HURRY AND READ THIS PLZ PLZ PLZPLZPLZ)”
I frequently have dreams in which I am completely naked, sitting on a public toilet, in a stall with no doors. In the dream, there is always the imminent threat of people walking in and seeing me. And after waking, there is always a residual nervous-embarrassment that lingers into the morning. My most persistent fearsContinue reading “Peeing with the Door Open”
Attention World: I have been doing significant life things. And as every sage adult knows, the final and most important step in doing all significant life things is getting validation from the internet. We live in a beautiful world where your personally important accomplishments can live with equal importance as the accomplishments of your neighbor. If itContinue reading “A Life Update”
You start college in a few weeks, and I have a lot of feelings about it. Many of them are gastrointestinal, which probably has more to do with coffee than you. However, both you and coffee fall under the umbrella of Things I Associate With Poop. Everything is connected. Anyway. I think this is theContinue reading “A Letter to My Sister”