It’s Valentine’s Day, and there’s one thing on everyone’s mind: How am I supposed to get horny at a time like this?
Before my house inevitably becomes engulfed in flames, I thought I’d share some tips and tricks I’ve been using to live with a grease fire.
A quick and helpful guide on when to ask someone about their race.
My birthday is today, so let’s talk about me for a goddamn second, okay?
It’s hot and murderous outside. Here are ways to keep cool with things you probably already have in your home.
Tired of the general shit-smell of your garbage-person self? So is everyone around you! But have no fear — the secret to ridding yourself of the offensiveness you radiate is simple.
Shakespeare. King. Hemingway. Twain. Dickens. Rowling. Read. These are the first seven names that came up when I Googled “most popular writers” just now. Are they popular? Are they writers? Who can really know. The point is they came up in the top of the Google search, and I included them in list-form at theContinue reading “A Collective List of Every Clickbait Headline Ever So Everyone Can Just Stop Now (HURRY AND READ THIS PLZ PLZ PLZPLZPLZ)”
I frequently have dreams in which I am completely naked, sitting on a public toilet, in a stall with no doors. In the dream, there is always the imminent threat of people walking in and seeing me. And after waking, there is always a residual nervous-embarrassment that lingers into the morning. My most persistent fearsContinue reading “Peeing with the Door Open”