A Collective List of Every Clickbait Headline Ever So Everyone Can Just Stop Now (HURRY AND READ THIS PLZ PLZ PLZPLZPLZ)

Shakespeare. King. Hemingway. Twain. Dickens. Rowling. Read. These are the first seven names that came up when I Googled “most popular writers” just now. Are they popular? Are they writers? Who can really know. The point is they came up in the top of the Google search, and I included them in list-form at theContinue reading “A Collective List of Every Clickbait Headline Ever So Everyone Can Just Stop Now (HURRY AND READ THIS PLZ PLZ PLZPLZPLZ)”

This Is My Baby Right Now

Everybody, calm down – I’m going to talk about birth control. PAMPHLETS. BIRTH CONTROL PAMPHLETS. OKAY SHHH CALM DOWN. Specifically, the birth control pamphlets I recently got from my gynecologist. Okay, too much information SORRY OKAY VAGINAS WHAT SORRY SORRY OKAY WHY ARE WE YELLING. Here’s the first pamphlet which is telling me to break upContinue reading “This Is My Baby Right Now”

Sports Fun Facts: Super Bowl

Do you like sports? Yes? Okay, then you should probably leave now because this is not really about sports at all. In this installment of Fun Facts! we’ll be enjoying some entirely made up trivia about people partaking in the spectacle that is Super Bowl 49. Let’s recap the rules established in the previous post aboutContinue reading “Sports Fun Facts: Super Bowl”

My 2015 Year in Review

We’re only a few days into the new year, but that doesn’t mean this little noggin has been doing nothing but sleeping and eating and beating many levels of Candy Crush. No way, no sir, not me. I’ve been seizing each moment Walden-style, sucking out the marrow of life, retreating to the woods, abandoning all responsibilities, fallingContinue reading “My 2015 Year in Review”

I Arted Some Art

Welcome. I bought some craft supplies from Michael’s and decided to pretend I know how to paint. What follows is a collection I’m tentatively calling “I Spent $35 at Michael’s and All I Got Was Confirmation of the Fact that I Don’t Know How to Properly Paint.” I would probably say I’m in my brown period ifContinue reading “I Arted Some Art”

Peeing with the Door Open

I frequently have dreams in which I am completely naked, sitting on a public toilet, in a stall with no doors. In the dream, there is always the imminent threat of people walking in and seeing me. And after waking, there is always a residual nervous-embarrassment that lingers into the morning. My most persistent fearsContinue reading “Peeing with the Door Open”

Fall Favorites

It’s that time of year again. Leaves are turning color. Days are getting chillier. Basic girls everywhere are douching themselves with pumpkin spice lattes. It’s Fall! Autumn! Sweater Weather! Gettin’ Hard Again for Cardigans! In honor of the changing of the seasons, I thought I’d share a few of the things that I’ve been #lovingContinue reading “Fall Favorites”

Sports Fun Facts: A Game!

SPOILER ALERT: I’m not good at the sports. Of any kind, really. Basketball, ping pong, beer pong. Nope, not my forte. This probably doesn’t come as much of a shock to anyone. I have the hand-eye coordination of a thumbless cyclops baby. And at its best, my build has been described as “looking like IContinue reading “Sports Fun Facts: A Game!”

Schlitting Myself and Being Spontaneous

I am not a spontaneous person. I know because I just double checked against this Wikihow guide on how to become a spontaneous teenager. While I myself am not a teenager, I figured who knows spontaneity better than the teens. Guys, being a spontaneous teen is so simple. All you need to do is go fork a yard, hitContinue reading “Schlitting Myself and Being Spontaneous”

A Life Update

Attention World: I have been doing significant life things. And as every sage adult knows, the final and most important step in doing all significant life things is getting validation from the internet. We live in a beautiful world where your personally important accomplishments can live with equal importance as the accomplishments of your neighbor. If itContinue reading “A Life Update”