Imaginary Instagram

TMZ BREAKING NEWS: I don’t have an Instagram. 1) Because I don’t have a smart phone. Note: If anyone wants do a think piece on me being the last 20something to be living sans iPhone, hit me up. I can be reached by email or carrier pigeon or the scent of guacamole. 2) Because I would abuse the privilegeContinue reading “Imaginary Instagram”

Sexy Road Signs from God

You know that thing in scary movies where a character is driving at night, and they see a flash of a person or ghost on the side of the road, but when they look back, there’s nothing there? Sometimes that happens to me. Except with weird road signs, not ghost people. And they don’t so much disappear asContinue reading “Sexy Road Signs from God”

Going on Dates with Murderers

I think I somehow missed the part in my young adult life when I was supposed to be reckless and excusably stupid. I didn’t graduate college with stories about waking up in bathtubs or fondling strangers in foreign countries. I’m guessing those are stories that people have. I wouldn’t know. I prefer showers and IContinue reading “Going on Dates with Murderers”

A Letter to My Sister

You start college in a few weeks, and I have a lot of feelings about it. Many of them are gastrointestinal, which probably has more to do with coffee than you. However, both you and coffee fall under the umbrella of Things I Associate With Poop. Everything is connected. Anyway. I think this is theContinue reading “A Letter to My Sister”