I recently wrote a weekly column called I Can’t Shut Up About, providing shallow dives into my latest obsession like Love Island or this art pickle. You can read my full archives here or read some of my favorite pieces below:
Kendall Roy: Hat Boy
Sorry, But Buzz Lightyear Is How Now
Am I Ready to Become a Hat Girl?
Every Thought I Had While Watching He’s All That
If They Put a Billboard In Space, I Swear to God …
This Is the Only Way Straight People Should Get to Date
This Is What Greets You at the Gates of Hell
Imagine Being This Hot in High School (Gossip Girl Reboot)
This Gorgeous Cotton Ball Won the Westminster Dog Show
Time to Embrace This Big, Floppy Baby Hat
Olivia Rodrigo, Please, I Am 30
Why Do These Bachelorette Contestants Sound Like Toddlers?
I Think About This A Lot: The Poker Game in ‘The Parent Trap’
A Compiled List of Collective Nouns
Please Confirm You Are Not A Robot
If the Bees Go Extinct, How Will I Talk to My Child About Sex?
Social Contracts Up for Review
What Will Food Be Like In The Future? (February 12 & 19 2018 issue)
I’m A Guy’s Girl
What Even Is Springtime?
Cheat Codes for Real Life
How to Tell When It’s Comedy
The World Is a Scary Place But I Know How to Fix It
What Is Writing and Does This Count as It?
Literal Writing Exercises, co-written with fellow beefy writer Irving Ruan
What’s Inside My Emotional First Aid-Kit, co-written with emotional support humans Irving Ruan and Avi Steinberg
How Things Work In A Pandemic, co-written with my favorite lil Zoom baby Kathryn Kvas
How Men Think Women’s Bodies Work, co-written with fellow boat Kathryn Kvas
I’m Your Dead Movie Wife and I Have Some Questions
I Am the Person Who Writes Conflict Into Husband-Wife Home Renovation Shows
Conversation Starters for You and Your Therapist
Recipes to Trick Your Friends Into Thinking You’re a Mildly Put-Together Woman
The Latest In Freelancer Fashion
Greeting Cards for Your Online Trolls
White Friend Confessional
What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Demagogue
The Only Houseplants You Can Be Trusted With: A Guide
What a Person’s Body Language Means
How to Get the Perfect Cardigan Body
The Best Alcohol, According to a 10-year-old
Turkey-Flavored Candy Corn: A Review
In Defense of the Gift Card
Hey, Babe. It’s Me, the Sun
Bennifer Is Engaged and I Feel Nothing
Would You Break Your Legs to Be Hot?
How I Turned By Weird Eating Habits Into A Cute, Profitable Blog (Headline Only)
Listen, The Only People Who Enjoy Looking At Vacation Photos Are The People Who Took Them
The 13.7 Billion-year History of #Feminists
A Haunted House Inspired By My Actual Fears
Nostalgic Movies and Shows That Haven’t Aged Well: I contributed an ode to “America’s Next Top Model”
New Words To Describe A Male-Dominated World: I contributed some new vocabulary words like “mascochistic” and “male pattern blandness.” Please study. There will be a test on Tuesday.
I was previously a contributing Lifestyle News writer for Bustle.
You can see more about that here or read some of my favorite pieces below.
An Ode to Soup, The Most Unfairly Maligned Genre of Food
How Sexist Jokes Normalize Sexist Behavior
How to Covfefe Like A Big, Strong President
How Trump Spent His First Month In Office Versus How I Spent His First Month In Office
A Brand Style Guide for Women™
Funny Women Column: What Does It Mean When A Girl Is Quiet?
I’m currently a contributing writer for Shoebox and its social channels.
I was previously their greeting card editor.
Here are a few of my favorite things I’ve done for Shoebox:
9 Things You’re Probably Doing Wrong and That’s Okay
5 Unique Mother’s Day Gifts
How To Be A Good Wedding Guest
9 Things You Can Do Instead of Getting Your Body Beach Ready
In Defense Of Hangovers (March 2020 issue)
How To Be Friends With Single People
Things I, Your Childless Sister, Will Gladly Teach Your Kids If You Don’t Want To
All I Want For Christmas Is Boys (for the Belladonna holiday essay collection, edited by human sunshine Rosanna Stevens)
New Startups for Midwesterners (co-written with Midwest sweetie Lillian Stone)
Feminist Gift Ideas from Ivanka Trump
How To Protest So No One Gets Offended Or Even Notices
A Nice Piece of Satire You Can Take Home To Your Parents
Introducing: Apologies for Men
Welcome to Your Guided Meditation for Creatives
Aphrodisiacs That’ll Get You Real Horned Up In No Time
My Digital Cleanse Starts Today
‘Tis The Season For Eating Decorative Pine Cones And Falling On Ice
Okay, Fine, I’ll Solve Climate Change
Things I Will Bring To This Already Established Girl Group
Bath and Body Works is the Suburban Nonsense I Crave
Daily Affirmations That Don’t Require You to Grow or Change
How to Deal with Weird Body Hair
How to Ride the World’s Tallest Waterslide
I’m the Last Twenty-something Who Doesn’t Own a Smartphone
Previous contributing writer
A piece for my dad
Previous editorial intern and contributing writer
Something I made in a fit of boredom
MIA MERCADO 